Shhhhsssh!

{ gentle whispers }

“You hear me?”

“Don’t tell anyone! Okay?”

Okay. Let me share with you my life long lessons — Be attentive!

• Speak less. Think more.
  • This is actually a no-brainer but I understand it’s quite a task to control wagging tongues. So, it’s better to tape your mouth with duct-tape the first few days of this transition. Try to communicate whenever necessary with murmurs… 🙂
  • Later on, apply Buddha’s The Four Gates of Speech on every thought forming into sentence in your head, which is literally jumping out of your mouth. Master Tip: When in doubt, cover your mouth with both hands, as if you are about to sneeze or cough! 🙂 Practice coughing and sneezing. If other’s suspect you, tell them it is highly contagious – problem solved!
  • Once you are adept at it, gradually move to minimal speech. Talk mostly non-verbally!
• Nothing should surprise you, EVER! Be COOL like cucumber!
  • Be very moderate in verbal as well as non-verbal reactions or responses, almost to the point of lethargy. People generally can know about a person by how he/she responds to external stimuli in the form of words or action. If you are COOL about all stuff happening or said to you and nothing fazes you, then people will have a really hard time figuring you out. Practise your expressions until you have the same facial expressions and responses for
    • India winning the world cup final, and
    • India losing the world cup final
• Don’t be emotional or overly sensitive.
  • I believe, it is very difficult to be secretive and emotional/sensitive at the same time. These are weak traits as you would be seeking validation or support from other people — and for that, you will have to spill the beans. So, control your emotions, your facial expressions and especially your eyes! Eyes, as you must know, are the windows to the outside world, as well as windows into your world! Give conflicting glances — sometimes serious, sometimes relaxed… but not very drastic change.
• Don’t document your personal stuff in physical media such as notebooks and the like. Situation should be that even if someone gets access to your room, they should not be able to decipher anything about you. Everything should appear to be normal and boring. The stuff having all your “beans” which you want to be secretive about, needs to be in a secured location. Put a difficult password. Better still, forget the password!
• Do your good and bad deeds when no is watching. Try doing most stuff once the sun sets or early morning.
• Don’t ask “How can I be secretive about my life?” question on Yahoo! answers using your own ID. Always be anonymous.
• Delete all Facebook, Instagram, Snap-chat, Twitter and other social networking accounts. But yes, you can continue pouting and taking selfies. But don’t share.
• Every few days, change your routes to your usual locations like office, school, college, gym etc. Your routine should be unpredictable. It’s better to roll a dice, and then select one of the six possible routes!
• Give your real name only after some deliberation, if and only if, required. Share some nick names — different nick-names to different groups. This way both groups, even if they bump across each other, might not come to know that both are the same person!
• Always, think as if you are under constant surveillance. Think you are being spied upon by the CIA, RAW and Mossad! Think of other people you come into contact with as undercover agents of your rivals!

Oops! I am getting good at this! I should better be a Spy!

• Learn and speak in different languages and accents. Always better to invent your own language and non-verbal language. { But question is with whom you will communicate? Do you have a spy friend? }
• Answer to any probing questions by people with:
  • “Hmm. Good question.” and then look at your watch and say “I’m getting late! Catch you later!”
  • “All right”
  • “I don’t know.”
  • “May be.”
  • Look to the lamp-post behind the person and gaze at the bulb.
  • Stare at them until they look away.
  • “Do you have Aspirin?”
• People might assume that short answers mean you don’t wish to talk. If you do want to talk, give longer answers or use nonverbal cues (such as smiling and making eye contact) to let them know you like talking to them. But mostly try to repeat stuff which you don’t mind sharing. They will come to recognize this as your unique style.
  
• Practice the art of listening attentively. Ignore their questions. Instead ask questions about the things they are talking about, in order to keep them talking. Praise them profusely!  Put them on a pedestal and get them moaning till they achieve verbal-orgasm, sharing their life!
• Be mentally strong. People won’t like this “new you”! Persevere. Keep walking!
• Make friends selectively and judiciously after much observation. Better to choose people who are similar to you (your future you!), and speak less and have less drama in their lives.
• Have a book in hand or some papers. Always appear busy.
• Shout randomly! You can also swear sometimes! (but not at them!) Let them wonder.
• Be respectful. Be serious.

Also, the talkative person should never proclaim that he is going to be secretive from now on!

Shhhhsssh! 🙂

{ gentle whispers }

“Be secretive about this transformation! Okay?”